Posts Tagged ‘work’

Training is key.

There was a fight in my hall today.  It’s the first genuine fight I’ve witnessed since becoming a teacher; most of them tend to happen elsewhere on campus.When I was a student, I was completely nonaggressive.  I never got in a fight; in fact, I never provoked anyone to the point where he tried to start one.  I also never played any sport or took part in any other physical extracurricular activity.  I can count on one hand the number of times I play-wrestled with my friends.

As a result, the prospect of having to break up a student fight invariably leaves me shaking with tension.  Heroically charging in and separating two beefy farm boys who are trying to kill each other doesn’t exactly fit with my personality.

On the other hand, I am more or less obligated to do so.  If I stand by and allow Billy Bob and Jimbo Joe to crack each other’s bones, I could be considered neglectful of my duty to maintain a safe learning environment.

All of this flashed through my mind before I reluctantly charged… er, stumbled… heroically forward.

The blur zipping past me, fortunately, was the football coach from across the hall.

I could say that Billy Bob went tumbling head over heels in one direction as Jimbo Joe slid chin-first across the floor in the other.  I could, but that would be a more obvious exaggeration than I generally like in my writing.

Suffice it to say that all I had to do was escort Billy Bob, now looking decidedly more like a B.B., to the office.

And yet… even so, as I returned to my classroom, restored order, and began writing vocabulary terms on the board, my hand was shaking.

Are you ready for some down and dirty deep-fried fisticuffs? I know I am! — Alton Brown

Two new Wordpress errors:  if you see the “financial advice” post appear in your feed, it’s not supposed to have gone public yet… and if you see this post doing anything weird, it’s because Wordpress is giving me fits with posting at the correct times.

Now that I’ve finished whining, on to the post…

“It wasn’t written like I thought it would be,” he said.

“How so?” I asked, although I had warned him the book isn’t what most people expect.

“I thought it would be written from Dracula’s point of view,” he said. “Instead it’s written from Jonathan’s.”

Written fr… what?

Then I remembered which generation I was dealing with, and it all made sense.

Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series is now at the height of its popularity (the cynic in me expects the books to be “so yesterday” in a year or two). In case your personal world has been teenager-free for the last twelve months or so, Twilight is about a teenage girl named Bella Swan who falls in love with Edward Cullen, who happens to be a vampire.

Part of me is rolling its proverbial eyes right now.

Part of me wants to send Meyer a thank-you note for getting teens to read.

The English teacher in me is taking full advantage of the situation by pushing my students to read Wuthering Heights, which (according to Wikipedia) is Bella’s favorite book, and Dracula, the granddaddy of all modern vampire novels.

So this obliging young man had paid a visit to our school’s media center and checked out a copy of Bram Stoker’s novel. About a quarter of the way through the book, he commented that he was surprised the narrative wasn’t from Dracula’s point of view.

It’s a Victorian vampire novel, I thought. Why on Earth would it be written from Dracula’s point of view?

Then I realized my confusion was the result of a generation gap. From this fifteen-year-old’s perspective, it made perfect sense for Dracula’s voice to carry the narrative forward. After all, teens and vampires have a lot in common.

…Now, after I make that statement, your reaction indicates your age. If you’re old enough, you’re thinking something like, “Did he just say that? Holy crap… he really doesn’t like teenagers, does he?”

If you’re young enough, on the other hand, you’re thinking, “Well, duh, I mean, vampires rock. I wish I could be one!”

Think about it. Vampires get to stay out all night, sleep all day, and wear all black. Vampires captivate their prey with forceful and often rather sexy charisma. Vampires are, like, dark and gothic and wicked. They’re the rock stars of the undead.

On the other hand, Stoker’s narrator (Jonathan Harker) is a bloomin’ lawyer. Not. Cool. At. All.

My student was fully enjoying the novel, however, and I expect he finished it over Christmas break. Too bad I couldn’t be there when he encountered the character Renfield, who is possibly the coolest vampire-groupie ever.

Never read Bram Stoker’s Dracula? As I told my student (and as he discovered), it’s really not what most people expect. Modern vampire fiction is mostly a pale, cliché-ridden, and rather juvenile imitation of the original. Go buy it… or if you’re strapped for cash, Project Gutenberg has text and audio downloads for free. So you really have no excuse.

Likewise, you might be surprised by Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights if you haven’t picked it up yet. Project Gutenberg can help you out again with the text, but you might have to visit LibriVox to get the audio download.

Now, go read.

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake. — Jack Handey

Sorry for the short (and late) post today.  It’s been a busy day (and a good one).

Kids say the… yeah.  All these are real.

“Hey, guess what?  My grade went up from a 19 to a 57!  That’s awesome!“  — Looking at his football jersey, I wonder what happened to the “no pass, no play” policy.

“Do the Russians speak Russian, or do they speak European?” — This from a 9th-grade honor student.  Yay.

“I’m sorry for talking in class, Coach Mac.  I was explaining to her why she shouldn’t write ‘they made love at first sight.’”

“Man, I’m glad I’m not Japanese.  When they write an essay, they have to draw all those little pictures [instead of writing letters].”

Naive you are
if you believe
life favours those
who aren’t naive.

– Piet Hein

Since blogging about communication skills and other self-help topics seems to be such a popular activity these days, I thought I’d try it for myself.  Enjoy these:

6 Steps to Becoming a Better Office Communicator

1.  Be discreet

When making a personal call on your office phone, never mention co-workers by name.  It’s rude.  Use non-specific pronouns, instead.

Example: “Yeah, he did it again.  No, really.  I’ll tell you about it later… he might be listening right now.”  …or…  “You won’t believe what I saw her doing when I walked into the office this morning.”

2.  Acknowledge prior relationships with clients.

When you know you’ve got a client meeting coming up, pretend to answer a call on your cell phone.  As you walk into the meeting room, make a comment to your fictional listener that indicates the value of your relationship with the client.  They will appreciate the personal recognition.

Example: “I have to go; I’m about to have a meeting with _________. (pause as if listening) (explosive laughter) Yes, that one!”

3.  Reach out to newcomers.

Nothing is more isolating than being a new employee in an established firm.  When someone new comes to your workplace, be sure to welcome them as a friend.

Example: “Hey, new guy, come be my lookout while I raid the manager’s supply cabinet.”  …or…  “So she’s your new supervisor?  Wow, I hope that goes well for you.  Feel free to come to me if you need to vent.”

4.  Respect your elders.

Older and more experienced employees in your office have a wealth of information to share with you.  At the same time, however, they may not be current in the cutting-edge pop culture that you might mention in conversation, and that might make them feel uncomfortable.  When chatting with someone at least a decade older than you, remember to explain references to recent (post-MTV) cultural phenomena.

Example: ”This day is so bad, it’s like a Seinfeld episode gone wrong.  Seinfeld, if you didn’t know, is a New York-based sitcom about the fictionalized life of its eponymous starring actor, Jerry Seinfeld, and a number of his friends and relatives.  It’s pretty funny.  You should try it.”

5.  Leave them wanting more.

Don’t dominate — and ultimately destroy — the conversation by spewing out every thought you have in your mind.  Leave some topics of discussion for later.  One especially effective way to do this is by approaching the conversation by saying, ”I have (X number) questions to ask you” or “I have (X number) things to tell you”… and then leave one unsaid.  For the rest of the day, they will glance at you with an expectant and slightly uncomfortable look on their faces, wondering whether they should ask.

Example:  See above.

There you go, that’s it.  I hope that these six steps will lead you toward more efficient communication in the workplace.  Please note that I am not responsible for problems caused by the application or misapplication of the above advice.  Have a happy Monday!

P.S. Thanks (and apologies) to DeepFriar and Havi Brooks for unwittingly planting the seeds of this post in my mind.  Go read their posts; you’ll probably enjoy them more than you did mine.